I really try to leave my personal rants off of Facebook...but I really felt like I had to get this out. So, since this is my blog here it goes.
I'm really tired of others telling me how to feel about losing my mom. We all know Mothers Day is coming up this weekend. I can understand that it's hard to get what its like to lose your mother if you haven't. However, please try to understand for those who HAVE. No one grieves the same. Telling someone to "get over it" or "move on" does not help. It actually pisses us off. Also, telling a person things they already know isn't great either. Such as, yes I know she's in a better place. And yes, I KNOW she would not want me to grieve so much. And yes, I should be joyful for my own children. But, she was my mother....the one person who knew me inside and out. She knew my good and bad and still loved me (no matter how much I infuriated her). I think its only fair to allow myself to grieve a little on Sunday.
I am the first born and was very close to mom. Yes, we had our ups and downs like any parent and child. But once I became a mom, I felt like everything was different; better even. I loved watching my mom be a grandmother. It was too short of a time though....five years isn't long enough.
So, just give me a break this week. I know I've changed...grief does that to you. I also have noticed many of my friends no longer want to hang around me and I suspect its because of this. I wish I didn't feel like this....really I wish I could put on a smile no matter what and just be that perfect friend/wife/whatever. But, I can't right now. I still feel shell shocked that's she's gone...I had two short months to process her getting sick and dying. It all seems like a blur...and after she died. I had to be a mom to a 5 and 3 yr old. All I can say is that I'm trying to keep going...still trying to learn to navigate this world without her. I know it seems like 4 yrs is a long time to grieve....but it really isn't.
Honestly, if it makes you uncomfortable it is your choice to not be in my life.