June 29th, 2009 is a day I will always remember. It is the day my beautiful mother passed away. She had battled Stage IV lung cancer for just two short months. By the time she was diagnosed, the cancer was too far advanced; her body already weak. Mom probably didn't weigh more than 80 lbs by the time she died.
My dad, sisters, and I were with Mom when she died...just loving on her while crying our eyes out. I remember feeling relieved that she was out of pain. And that I wouldn't have to walk into the house and see my mother so frail, when all of my life she had been so strong and energetic. Mom always had a smile for you, a hug. You would walk into the kitchen and she'd ask you if you needed anything. Mom was a giver.
I remember just living on adrenaline while Mom was sick...praying constantly to God to heal my mother. Or that this was all a horrible dream that I would wake from. Even til the end, Mom tried to comfort all of us, as well as ensure us she was ok. She would tell us, "My body is sick but my soul is healthy". Still, even now, its hard to find comfort in that. Just plainly because she isn't here. I believe 100% in God's plan and that it is a good thing Mom isn't in pain. But, as I said, she isn't here. She's not watching her grandbabies get bigger (she LOVED being a grandma). I can't pick up the phone and share something the kids said or did. I can't meet her for Chinese over her lunch hour anymore.
I know if Mom was here, she would tell people to stop smoking. Mom smoked most of her life...and it killed her. Lung cancer has also taken my maternal grandparents, a great aunt, and a cousin.
Miss you Mama every hour of every day. My life is not the same without you!! It never will be. I can't wait to see you again in heaven.